Getting skilled at receiving and giving feedback is a core leadership skill. It takes time to exchange feedback with care, tact, purpose and comfort. (LINK)
Throughout your career, you may get feedback that wasn’t offered in the spirit of growth nor done with care. Being blunt because “that’s who you are” went out with the Blackberry. Here are a few tips on cultivating a healthy relationship with feedback:
When you ask for feedback, frame it to what you most need: “I notice that the volume of the meetings I am asked to attend limits my working time - I’m keen to see the team succeed; what do you think would help me navigate this better?”. This gives you a chance to self-reflect on the root issue, raise the topic neutrally and provide the other person with an opportunity to better support you.
“That’s never going to work.” - this type of feedback is lazy and creates a negative environment. You might be working for a toxic boss (LINK), or you’re in a place that isn’t ready to change. Consider who might be an internal champion on a different team or leave by leveraging professional connections.
That’s not how (insert name) did it; she/he/they always knew to….” Sigh. Taking on a new role can be daunting, especially when you’re assuming it from someone else.. Remember, you were hired for a good reason. A simple, “thank you for sharing that, I’m looking forward to building on (insert name’s) work and bringing my skills and knowledge in support of our team” does the trick.
“Something nice, something unexpectedly negative, something nice,” - this type of feedback goes by many names and is often most used by passive-aggressive or insecure leaders or people who want to be liked. Zone in on what you need from the exchange “I hear your point about my time management being something I can work on - what approaches have helped you develop this skill?”
“You’re amazing!”. How lovely. Yet, we need to know where we can improve and grow, so persevere here. Only positive feedback can be nice to hear and can keep you in a place of producing and performing at the level you already are. Don’t be afraid to dig deeper and ask for more specific insights. If you’re an all-star performer, consider the role of a 360 feedback option to identify blind spots.
Get out there and start working on giving and receiving feedback - knowing is better than wasting time wondering.
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