Overview: Burnout a book by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. and Amelia Nagoski, D.M.A.
Wellness is not a state of mind, but a state of action. It is the freedom to move through the innate cycles and oscillations of being human - from effort to rest and back, from connection to autonomy and back, from adventure to homecoming and back. But we have been lied to our whole lives about what wellness “should” look like, and rejecting that lie, all those myths about “having it all” and “finally achieving lasting peace” is how we create space in our lives for that free action through the cycle of being human.
The cure for burnout is not “self-care”; it is all of us caring for one another
Review
This book has a wonderful structure which makes it one of those joyful non fiction books that achieve the art of feeding you a huge meal in bite sized tasty pieces. Its combination of contextual information, scientific research and case studies interspliced with personal anecdotes and strong analogies gives it a great flow and leaves you engaged. On top of that, the end of each chapter has a super helpful TLDR summary of the key messages within that chapter.
The book is broken down into three parts.
Part I: What You Take with You
This section digs into the physiology of stress, it explains the science behind what is happening to our bodies when we are experiencing stress and offers tangible solutions to help us talk to our bodies and bring us back to calm. It clarifies the different strategies needed when tackling stress and stressors and examines how having meaning in life can protect us from stress and enhance our well-being.
Part II: The Real Enemy
Spoiler alert: the game is rigged! This section has one of the most satisfying and sound descriptions of the patriarchy and it's impact on women that I've ever read, it felt cathartic to listen to even though it is also incredibly depressing. As they quote in the book, the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Part III: Wax on, Wax Off
The final section of the book pulls together the concepts it has explored so far and offers things we can do in our lives to conquer the mechanisms creating our stress. It talks about the importance of rest, battling your inner critic and practicing self compassion. And importantly it stresses "We don’t have to wait for the world to change before we begin
to heal ourselves and one another."
Overall, I would highly recommend this book to women (and men who want to understand what women are up against) even if you are not currently stressed or burnt out. It offers tangible solutions to those actively experiencing stress as well as highlighting and signposting behaviors and systems that will help navigate stress in the future.
Key takeaways
Stress and stressors are seperate things, each need to be tackled independently
Stress is a physical thing happening in our body, we need to talk our bodies language to complete our stress response cycle, this can be done multiple ways and people's preferences will be different but exercising or connecting are examples
"Wellness is not a state of being but a state of action."
This is a direct quote from the book because there's no way I can explain it any better "“Human Giver Syndrome” is the contagious false belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity—your time, attention, energy, love, even your body —in support of others, no matter the cost to you."
The patriarchy is actively working against women's success. It conditions us to believe we have to be human givers, that self destruction is a virtue and that our bodies aren't good enough. After all, if we spend all our time and energy hating our bodies and feeling depleted of rest then we are easier to control.
Connection is critical.
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