Advice from a reformed people pleaser.
One of the biggest hurdles that people often have to overcome as they progress in their careers is the tendency to people please.
People pleasing can lead to burn out and hinder the ability to craft your ideal life-work balance. It can also mean that you spend time on the wrong priorities and aren't able to bring your true value to your role.
When you're starting out you are, typically, keen to please. You’ve finally gotten a chance to build your career so you're looking to make your mark and 'prove yourself'. As time goes on though, this behaviour becomes a trap and a burden and is very hard to unlearn. People pleasing can cause you to over stretch yourself, feel unseen and like a push over or to undervalue your time by spending it in the wrong area or on the wrong people. As you build confidence, and become aware of your own values and boundaries it's easier to curb the people pleasing habits, leaving you mentally happier and overall more productive at work.
While it's important to be reasonably flexible and accommodating to work alongside others respectfully, there's a fine line between being considerate towards others and losing sight of your own needs. If you find yourself constantly sacrificing your own wants and needs for the sake of pleasing others, it's time to reevaluate your patterns of behavior.
Here are five pragmatic, start-now pgtips on how to stop being a people pleaser:
Acknowledge your feelings: Start by acknowledging and accepting your own emotional state. It's okay to feel anxious or uncomfortable in certain situations, and it's important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. By learning to tune into your own emotions first and foremost this will help you not to get swept away in the other person's feelings above your own.
Set healthy boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means having the ability to say "no" when something doesn't align with your own values or beliefs. It's important to honor your own needs and not let others take advantage of your kindness. Suggest adding a how here.
Identify your lane: Take time to figure out exactly where your role and duties should be focused, including your own career growth needs and desires. Saying yes to 'side of the desk' type projects can help you if you're looking for exposure in a certain area, but often you're likely being asked to do someone else's work. By being clear on where you should and want to be, you'll find it easier to say no and prioritize your own workloads.
Practice self-care: Self-care is important for everyone, but especially for those who tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own. Take time to recharge, whether that's through blocking your calendar to get into the zone on your own work, or by switching off after a long day and resetting. People pleasers have a tendency to think of things focused onr themselves is selfish. In fact, it’s the opposite - it’s essential you disconnect and rest.
Seek support: Don't be afraid to seek support from others. Whether it's talking to a co-worker to ask for an accountability partner, working with a good manager to help you hold your boundaries or seeking support from someone like us, having a support system can be a vital tool in learning to let go of people-pleasing tendencies.
It's important to be considerate towards others, yet not at the expense of your own needs. By learning to set healthy boundaries, prioritizing your own needs, and seeking support when needed, you can form healthier habits to break free from people-pleasing behavior. If you struggle in the area, our online course - Life-work balance: Navigating meaning and boundaries, delves into pragmatic strategies and techniques designed to encourage better boundaries and a healthier relationship with prioritizing ourselves.